half of my weights lifted up

May 10,

She called me today, and told me all the things he has spoken that my mum is not 100% to be blamed because my dad took part of her change and all the things that I mostly hate about her. I was shocked yet sad, because I have hated her for what she's been doing. I felt like half of my hate and burden dissolving. It's such a soothing layer covering my cold heart. I was weeping because I know we're all getting there. I felt foreign with this feeling but it would take time to process all this new perspective. This healing time is quite crucial, too premature to celebrate or boast.

We are all broken. We just cannot heal one another. We do not know how to heal ourselves while we are trying to heal others. We got hurt so much. We keep the broken pieces for the rest of life, one is gone too soon and he had kept it all the broken pieces and died with them.

I m hurt, and all I could do is to shut my self down. I lived in my own world, created one that I thought it was the safest place ever. It was indeed but not for a long term. Breathless, empty, shallow and blurry. I gave up. How many people I have been casting off, that they hoped to touch my life and offered a little help. I was a castaway. Now I wanna be set free. I got to find a big help, This hurts whoever sees me trying to break free, then collide, and fade away. I did not realise that it does hurt her so much.

She's hurt, trying to find a shelter by getting someone to comfort her but she failed.
He's hurt, and he kept hurting others to find some comfort but it didn't soothe his soul. Couldn't find any shelter, he'd keep torturing himself and others. He died, broken-hearted because no one understood what he wanted.  

Too many people got hurt, we cannot say a thing. Our soul is screaming for help. We were trying to find our way back home but it didn't work, It's too dark!

We've beaten up our selves too long, we punished each other by punishing our selves, we wanted to have a break and recover but we couldn't.

To set free is to let go, to accept, to keep telling my self that this is the thing that I should have done since 20 years ago. This wound needs healing by letting go, having a new life, stopping holding a grudge against people that have hurt.